Victims

Complete and utter frustration. That’s what I have felt the past few weeks. One complication after another seems to reer it’s ugly head and slither out of the demented hole that it hides in to torture me. I must be jinxing something because what the fuck else could it be other than sheer bad luck. 

Victims are consistently victims because they continually perceive themselves as such, therefore attracting negativity. Attached to negativity are bad situations, health problems, and overall anguish. 

I strive not to be a victim, but can’t help circling back to that mentality. It’s a horrid and sneaky cycle that is often allusive to noticeability. 

It can be easier caught and negated when you have or know how to get the tools to direct your mind and thoughts elsewhere. Say your health is struggling, but you know why and how to fix it. That often is the only way to escape victimization. Now, having the knowledge and tools are one thing, but actually deciding to consistently apply them is another. 

I know that coffee isn’t good for my personal health and that it causes me a number of issues when consuming it, but my body also craves it and is in most instances willing to overlook the bad and chase the sensation and flavor I get from it. I have the tools and knowledge to feel better, but lack the will power to implement them. Therefore enabling my destructive behavior. 

The same can be said for drugs. Anything. I don’t aim to remove all pleasures from my life that negatively impact my health, but moreso to regulate them in a way that still gives me the positive emotional sensation I crave while saving my health. 

There are many ways around that, some of them being, intaking the same things just at a slower and smaller dosage rate (i.e. governing your habits) or substituting for a healthier verson of those things, or lastly, finding an alternative with similar effects and flavor profiling. 

I have been without coffee for close to a week now. I want to quit vaping. I want to lessen smoking weed. I am trying to eat cleaner foods and be consistent with my dietary needs. I want to be active more, such as go on hikes and workout. I want to exercise my mind consistently and practice mindfulness and self control. I want to continue to practice listening to my body’s needs. I have a lot of small, achievable goals that I have all the knowledge and tools to conquer, but I’m still working on gaining the will power to implement them into my day to day.  

All in all, my point is, the victim mentality can only survive if you let it take the reins. Take the riens of your mind back and take ownership of your situation. You get to design your life, not your struggles. You are not a victim, you’re a survivor. A winner.